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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29367969">love is a calamity</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miah_Kat/pseuds/Miah_Kat'>Miah_Kat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Given (Anime), Given (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Guilt, Insecurity, M/M, Making Out, they allude to sex but there's nothing spicy sorry lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:15:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29367969</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miah_Kat/pseuds/Miah_Kat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruki’s certain he’s never been happier in his life. Things are going extremely well with Given, he was recently promoted at the café, and he and Akihito are together. <i>Together.</i> He still can’t believe it sometimes. He spent so long pining after him, and then trying to move on, that there are days even now that he feels like he’s living in a dream, like when he turns around to find Akihito cooking in his kitchen, or exiting the bathroom toweling off his hair, or even just the sound of his voice calling <i>I’m home!</i> when he returns from a day of classes.</p><p>It shouldn’t seem much different from when they were living together before but it is. It’s entirely different. Now, Haruki can slide up behind Akihiko and wrap his arms around his waist if he wants, pepper kisses along the slope of his shoulder, cuddle with him on the couch as they marathon movies together after a long day. He’s allowed to do all the things he only ever fantasized about before. There’s just one problem, one little hiccup still preventing them from falling fully into that honeymoon-phase of new relationships.</p><p>Akihiko won’t touch him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>135</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>love is a calamity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title from <a href="https://sawamura-daichis-thighs.tumblr.com/post/625102670041088000/lesbiancolumbo-having-a-lot-of-thoughts-about">here</a></p><p>i finally had a chance to watch the Given movie today and wow, them feels came for me <i>hard</i>. i'm up to date with the manga but man, some of those scenes still hurt. overall i loved it.</p><p>naturally i had to channel some of it into fic. i really wanted to consider how Akihiko might treat Haruki differently considering the guilt he feels for how he treated him in chapter 20 so here we are.</p><p><b>to be clear, i don’t condone or agree with how akihiko treated haruki in that scene.</b> it was clearly dubious consent at the very least and he shouldn’t have crossed that line; however, i appreciate how human Kizu writes their characters. real people often do things regardless of knowing it is wrong, especially when strong emotions are involved. personally, i interpreted that scene as haruki wanting akihiko but <i>not like this</i>, not as a rebound or emotional outlet, but loving him enough that he wants to ease his suffering any way he can. still, i fully understand how it might squick or trigger someone which is totally valid.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Haruki’s certain he’s never been happier in his life. Things are going extremely well with Given, he was recently promoted at the café, and he and Akihito are together. <em> Together.</em> He still can’t believe it sometimes. He spent so long pining after him, and then trying to move on, that there are days even now that he feels like he’s living in a dream, like when he turns around to find Akihito cooking in his kitchen, or exiting the bathroom toweling off his hair, or even just the sound of his voice calling <em> I’m home! </em> when he returns from a day of classes.</p><p>It shouldn’t seem much different from when they were living together before but it is. It’s entirely different. Now, Haruki can slide up behind Akihiko and wrap his arms around his waist if he wants, pepper kisses along the slope of his shoulder, cuddle with him on the couch as they marathon movies together after a long day. He’s allowed to do all the things he only ever fantasized about before. There’s just one problem, one little hiccup still preventing them from falling fully into that honeymoon-phase of new relationships.</p><p>Akihiko won’t touch him.</p><p>Well, it’s not that he <em> doesn’t </em> touch him. He still has a thing for Haruki’s hair for sure, taking every chance he’s given to run his fingers through it or brush it carefully out of Haruki’s eyes in the most tender of gestures. He often grazes his knuckles against the back of Haruki’s hand as they walk and is fond of settling his palm against the small of his back when they’re standing around chatting with Uenoyama and Mafuyu. And it’s not as if he never shows Haruki affection; he kisses him good morning and as a greeting when he returns home. Haruki’s especially fond of the ones he presses to his temple when he’s distracted or sleepy. Still, he can tell Akihiko’s holding himself back; he’s so careful whenever he reaches out, as if Haruki is fragile, like he’s afraid he’ll break with too much pressure. Haruki just doesn’t understand why. It’s frustrating.</p><p><em> What if he doesn’t want me the way I want him? Is he having second thoughts? </em> His insecurities rear their ugly heads at times when the space between them is too far or when Akihiko gently pulls away from him as soon as things begin to get a little heated between them. It’s driving him crazy but he doesn’t know how to bring it up.</p><p>The opportunity finally presents itself one afternoon when they’re home together for the weekend. It’s raining, the rhythmic pattering of raindrops hitting the windows and soft gray light create a sleepy atmosphere in the apartment. It’s a perfect day for lazing around and leisurely making out, which is exactly how they decide to spend their time together. Akihiko’s making good use of his tongue piercing at the moment, causing Haruki to gasp as heat begins to kindle in his gut at the sensation. Moaning approvingly, he grasps the collar of Akihiko’s shirt in hand so he can guide them down to lie against the couch, intent on finally having the chance to explore that broad chest and tapered waist the way he’s wanted to for so long. Akihiko follows him easily, bracing himself above Haruki on one forearm while he slides his other hand down his side until he’s gripping his hip, thumb tracing slow circles against the sliver of exposed skin. Pleased, Haruki releases his shirt to smooth his hands over his chest instead, pressing his palms against the firm muscle beneath—</p><p>Akihiko shoves himself away so quickly he nearly falls off the couch in his haste. He’d been in the middle of nibbling on Haruki’s lower lip so his piercing catches along the way, tugging painfully, and Haruki can’t help but hiss in shock. He clamps one hand over his mouth with a soft curse.</p><p>“Shit, I’m sorry, are you okay? Are you bleeding?” Akihiko asks hurriedly, gesturing to his mouth. Pulling his hand away confirms he’s fine, just sore, so Haruki shakes his head.</p><p>“I’m fine but are you okay? What happened?” He peers at Akihiko, bewildered to find him sitting on the furthest edge of the couch he can, eyes wide beneath upturned eyebrows as he holds his hands out in front of him like he wants to touch Haruki to make sure he’s really alright. But he doesn’t. Instead, his expression changes into something more abashed as he reaches up to rub the back of his neck. He avoids Haruki’s gaze.</p><p>“I’m fine,” he answers quietly. He seems content to leave it at that but Haruki’s reached the end of his patience. Huffing, he pushes himself up into a seated position across from him, folding his arms over his chest as he stares his boyfriend down expectantly. But while Akihiko may be a jack of all trades when it comes to music, he is a master at avoiding conflict when he wants to.</p><p>“Akihiko.” His firm tone gains no response. Sighing, Haruki scrubs a hand through his hair roughly as he mutters, “If you don’t want me that way, just say so.”</p><p>That manages to get his attention. Akihiko’s head snaps up as he chokes out a disbelieving, “What?”</p><p>It’s Haruki’s turn to look away. A familiar kind of churning takes hold in his stomach; he feels like he’s going to be sick. Rubbing a hand up and down his forearm, Haruki murmurs, “Well, you’re always pulling away from me when things get to this point. I know I’m probably not as...experienced as your past relationships but—I mean, if you don’t like something just tell me! Or if there’s something you want that I’m not—”</p><p>Akihiko waves his hands around as he exclaims, “Wait, hold on. Haruki. It’s nothing—that’s not it at all.” Finally, he slides closer so that their knees touch, reaching out to take Haruki’s hands in his as he dips his head to try to meet his eyes. He sweeps his thumb over the ridged peaks of his knuckles in a soothing motion that eases some of the tension from Haruki’s shoulders. His voice is low, soft when he admits, “Of course I want you, gods, I’ve never wanted anyone more. I just...I don’t want to hurt you again.”</p><p>“Again?” Lifting his head to stare at him with confusion, Haruki watches as guilt finds a home in Akihiko’s eyes and the downward turn of his mouth, taking up residence in the hunch of his shoulders. He pauses, wracking his brain to recall when Akihiko might have ever injured him, when he considers their previous positions: Akihiko between his legs, arms caging him in beneath him, with Haruki’s hands pushing against his chest—realization dawns on him like a hammer to the head. “Oh. <em>Oh.”</em></p><p>Akihiko won’t look at him and that won’t do. Haruki pulls his hands out of his grip so he can use them to cup his face, lifting it so he can ensure he can’t avoid his gaze for what he has to say. “You idiot. Is that what you’ve been worried about this whole time?”</p><p>His eyebrows furrow into a deep frown at Haruki’s exasperated tone. “I don’t want to hurt you. Or, or scare you again.” Shame clouds his eyes as he whispers, “I never wanted to, Haruki, I—”</p><p>Haruki’s already shaking his head vehemently, squishing Akihiko’s cheeks between his palms to distort his words. He didn’t expect to have to have this talk but he supposes it’s necessary; neither of them were especially clear with one another that night, both too hurt and grieving to put their feelings into words properly.</p><p>“I wasn’t scared of <em> you </em> back then.” Akihiko’s eyes widen at that. “I was confused by your behavior. Something I’d only dreamed about before seemed to be happening but it was all wrong. I was scared that things were moving so fast and I couldn’t keep up, that they were going to go too far before I realized. That you were in so much pain and I couldn’t help you at all. I was hurt because of the things you said, Akihiko, not because you were rough with me. I’m not fragile, you know.”</p><p>Akihiko’s eyes glitter in the low light, his jaw clenched tight beneath Haruki’s palms. He reaches up to cup them beneath his own, voice trembling when he breathes, “I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it before but I’m so sorry, Haruki.”</p><p>“I know.” Haruki smiles softly. No one can judge Akihiko any harsher than he does himself. “I forgive you.”</p><p>“You’re so important to me. I don’t want to fuck this up.”</p><p>“You won’t,” Haruki assures him, thumbing the swell of his cheek as he leans in to place a chaste kiss to his lips. “I’ll tell you if I don’t like something and you should do the same. Okay?”</p><p>Akihiko’s answering smile is wry but he agrees. “Alright.”</p><p>And if Haruki’s discovered anything about Akihiko in all the time they’ve known one another, it’s that he learns best by doing. So, without wasting a moment, Haruki promptly swings his leg over Akihiko’s thighs to straddle him, hands roving down the line of his neck to the curve of his shoulders and over his arms. He glances up at him from beneath his lashes as he suggests coyly, “Now, how about we practice?”</p><p>He delights in the way Akihiko’s pupils blow wide and the way his fingers drag through the length of his hair as he cups the back of his neck. His voice is wonderfully raspy when he breathes against Haruki’s lips, “Please.”</p><p>Needless to say, Akihiko doesn’t have much trouble putting his hands on Haruki after that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>remember y'all, consent is sexy.</p><p>thanks so much for reading!! i hope you enjoyed 💙</p><p>feel free to come chat with me anytime!<br/><a href="https://sawamura-daichis-thighs.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a> | <a href="https://twitter.com/ms_refreshing">Twitter</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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